What's Your Definition of "Old?"

My definition of old has nothing to do with numbers. Especially now that my numbers seem to be going up faster and faster!

Some would consider the age of 87 to be “old.” And some people are old at age 87. I don’t count health problems to be a measure of age. I’m thinking about our attitudes and spirit. For example...

My 87-year-old mother-in-law, Rita, lived with my husband’s, Ric’s, sister for over 30 years and recently made a decision to move to a retirement apartment complex. Although we could see some positives about the situation, the family was nevertheless concerned about how she would adjust to such a change... “at her age.”

Before moving, Rita would spend most of her days at home, not wanting to take a taxi to go anywhere, join a senior citizens group, play bingo, or anything that would get her out of the house. She was always excited to be a part of family events and gatherings, but beyond that her days basically consisted of a little cleaning up around the house, watching “Golden Girls” on television, walking out to get the mail, and waiting for someone to call her on the telephone. Ric, being a good son, usually made daily phone calls to his mother. On the occasions when he would not be able to call for one reason or another, his next phone call would be answered with something like, “Where were you yesterday? You didn’t call!”

Turns out Rita is doing okay at her new place. More than okay. Now her days consist of at least two “gatherings” a day, either outside in good weather or inside in a common sitting area, with other women of her “age.” They talk about treasured memories, their families and old friends, the weather, how the world has changed in their lifetimes, try to figure out what in the world texting and friend me on facebook mean, and laugh together about all of the above. And no doubt, they probably poke a lot of fun at the younger generation (like Ric and me!).

Recently there was a power outage at the complex. It lasted for 3 days. Did Rita accept invitations to stay with other family members during the time the electricity was off? No. Why not? Apparently this time of “darkness” was like a camp-out or a big slumber party for the residents at the apartment complex! Everyone stayed. Local churches and agencies brought them food and coffee. They continued and lengthened their daily gatherings. Together they wondered when the lights would be back on. (And perhaps secretly hoped it would not be “just yet”). Together they recalled similar “shortages” and difficult times in their lives... and recounted memories of the delight they found in their lives even when times were rough "way back when." I can hear now the chatter and the giggles that lit up the darkness and brightened their space.

These daily chats seem to be the highlight of Rita's day, but she also now makes daily walks downtown (8-10 blocks round trip and slightly uphill on the way back), takes a bus to places where she wants to browse and shop, and participates in many planned senior outings and events.

Several weeks ago, after having missed a couple days, Ric called his mom expecting to hear the usual why-haven’t-you-called-did-you-forget-you-have-a-mother type greeting. When she answered she said a quick “Hello.” Ric asked how her day was going. She replied in a kind of rushed tone, “Fine.” Ric then inquired if something was wrong. She said, “Well... I can’t talk right now.” Ric, a bit taken aback, asked her why she couldn’t talk. The reply: “I can’t talk right now. I gotta go. I’m going on a PICNIC!”

Little 4’11” Rita Cochran proves in a big way that we can make even major changes in our lives... at any age. It all depends on how you define “old.”