Camel Watering Woman

FUNNY STORY FROM COMEDIAN JEFF ALLEN:

In the book of Genesis, Abraham sends one of his slaves down to the well in town to find a wife for his son. He tells the son to find a “camel watering” woman, a woman doing a good day’s work, someone with a strong back and character to match. I mention this, because I married a “camel watering woman” myself.

Tami is a product of a blue collar home. She is a tinkerer – she’s always doing something around the house. In the past, she has laid tile and grout in one of our bathrooms. She has put up crown molding around our entire living room and bedrooms. She also does most of the landscaping outside. In case you are wondering, I don’t really do that kind of stuff. We will leave it at that.

The reason I mention this is because something happened a few weeks ago that kind of rattled my cage.

I was out of town for a couple of weeks and when I came home, I noticed that what was once carpet in our living room was now hardwood. So I inquired as to where that came from.
Tami replied, “Home Depot.  I took a class and laid it myself. Isn’t it pretty?”
That was not what I was looking for, so I rephrased the question, “What happened to the rug?”
“Oh,” she began a little slower this time. “It’s gone.”
“I can see that.  Where did it go?”
“I threw it out. I was sick of looking at it.”
Understand, this is the first I have heard of this, so I asked another question. “When did this occur?”
“What do you mean?”
“I am curious, was it a week ago, a month ago, a year ago....” 
“Why does that matter?” she asked.
“I just wanted to have an idea about how long I have left if you ever get sick of looking at me.”

We have been married for 24 years, which is about four times longer than that rug lasted before it met its demise.

I guess it bothers me because I am a lot like that rug, worn out and kind of shaggy, a little loose in the middle and there are a couple of bald spots on me as well. But I was comfortable with the rug and, up until this happened, I was comfortable with the way I looked.

Not any more.  Now it’s to the gym. I’m going to tone up the flab, do a bunch of cardio, work on a six pack....  Aahhhh, who am I kidding? Fact is, while I married a “camel watering woman,” I’m more of a “caramel eating man.” So it’s off to Maggie Moo’s for a couple of humps of Caramoo Chunks in a waffle cone.